Things We Say

I am starting a little segment I am calling, "Things We Say". I think our use of language to communicate with others is fascinating and often hilarious. In these segments and I will have some fun with the definitions and/or implications of commonly heard phrases.

If someone says to you, "I shouldn't ______" fill the blank with "judge", "complain", or "eat this cookie"; then you're about to get a mindful of honest opinion, an earful of negativity, or an eyeful of a mildly overweight women packing a double fudge cookie into her mouth as fast as she can in hopes of nobody seeing her eating it... "If nobody sees me eat it, then it didn't happen!"




If a religious figure sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're getting philosophies
If a psychiatrist sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're getting a prescription
If a commercial sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're getting a sales pitch
If your spouse sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're getting a divorce
If your boss sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're not getting a promotion anytime soon
If a friend sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You have a good friend
If your hair dresser asks, "are you happy?" She wants to talk about her problems
If your grandma sincerely asks, "are you happy?" You're getting a meal
If a really awkward shy guy asks, "are you happy?" You're getting a stalker
If a shark sincerely asks you, "are you happy?" You fell off a boat and are in the process of dying
If you read many more of these questions about people asking, "are you happy?" You're getting annoyed
If your weed dealer sincerely asks, "are you happy?" He's already high
If you're discussing politics and anyone sincerely asks, "are you happy?" The answer is no
If someone is responding to you sincerely asking, "are you happy?" but you didn't ask. You have split personalities
If I hug you and you ask me, "is there a banana in your pocket...?" My answer is... probably




PS As of right now I have one person following my blog. According to Google Analytics and the comments responding to my post, there are more than two people reading these. If you have read more than one of my posts and like the things I say, or even just like the pictures I post, please don't be shy about following me. I appreciate the support.